The Makings of a Hairy Man

Here's a confession: I've always wanted to be able to grow facial hair because I think it would be so cool to have such an awesome canvas to express myself. If I was feeling particularly dapper, I would grow a well-trimmed pencil mustache. If I was feeling gruff, I could grow my 'burns out and braid my beard. If I wanted to take over the world, I could grow a Hitler 'stache or a pharaoh goatee.

Alas, my lot in life is not to have my own personal hair canvas. I have, however, found a solution to my desire for facial hair. I proudly present to you the beanie beard:

It took me a couple of attempts to get it just right, but I think it works. Now, I can grow a toasty beard in the winter in 4 seconds flat and shave it in the same amount of time. I bet no man on the planet can do that. Heck yes!